"Are you a Tigger or an Eyore?"

Well this was asked by the late, great, Randy Pausch! I have really thought about this over the years and I have to say that I am an Eeyore.

It's not that I am unhappy with life or mad or sad all the time. It is that I look at life in an "Eeyore" kind of way. I have been told my many (mostly not so nice people in my family) that I am a negative type of person. Yes! I see my glass as half empty. But that works for me and always has.

The way I see it, I don't get my hopes up on things. I always try to remember the bad before I can think of the good. I have tried to not think that way, but I only get hurt in the long run.

I am what I like to call a realist. Ok,maybe that is a way of sugarcoating it..lol! But I don't see pie in the sky. I see the real in everything. I don't like pretending everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows! We live in a cruel world and everything doesn't work the way we want it.

I Do hope for the best, but never expect it. I know I sound like a downer. But this is what works for me. Even before all the hell I have gone thru, the past two years, I have always been this way. I think my childhood may have a lot to do with it too (that is a whole different blog). But I know even as a baby I looked at the world as if I needed to gain it's trust before I took another step. And guess what, I was knocked down over and over to get where I am today. I am not saying there wasn't some wonderful along the way, after all I am a mother! But it sure hasn't been all rainbows and Sunshine!

Sometimes I get mad when other people don't see the world as I do. I just don't understand. How many times in my life will I have to say, "I told you so"? Most of the time I think people make it harder on themselves. Just face the facts!

To me, when life lets me down, I am usually prepared. I am more ready to deal with it because I have thought of the the bad before the good. But sometimes I am wrong (YES! I just said that....I wont say it again)! When something good happens I am shocked and surprised! I even think I appreciate the "good" more then others. I just don't expect it.

The past two years have thrown me for a loop. Losing my Dad has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I think because I didn't let myself think that badly (there is some good in me). But to be honest I did think (or maybe it was more of a feeling) 'somethigs' was going to happen to my Dad when he left for Iraq. It was more on the lines of post traumatic stress. I had this feel he was going to come back different. I never thought he was going to come back in a casket! Not only that, I sure the hell never thought that my family (blood) was going to fall apart. In losing my Dad, I also lost 90% of my family. I will put it out there, it was mostly my choice. But the way my brain works and the way I want to live my life (for me and my children) it was better for me to walk away when I did. I not only mourn for my Dad. I mourn for what was ( my so-call happy little family).Neither here nor there, thru all of that I remained an Eeyore!

When I lost my baby boy, I was NOT expecting that one. After all I was past the "danger zone" and I already had one miscarriage, lightning doesn't strike the same person twice....right? And yet again I was wrong (damn I need to stop saying that)! This was the topping on my already faithless, hopeless sundae.

I am an Eeyore! After all he was always my favorite in the book!